that wriggly feeling inside.

i've just said my goodnights to someone whom i just knew.
it's something special, it really is.
though it's only a first impression, it's a lasting one.
sweet.

10 days left to the start of my A'levels.
just like any other student, i'd say that i do not have enough time, not enough confidence to do it.
but instead, i'd say that i have wasted time that could've been time well spent on studying, that i could've done better.
and now, i feel guilt, shame that would empower me with the gift of endurance to persevere through the night.
even if it's 1am, i'm still studying.
and i wish all my friends out there all the best.
it's only those who give a damn about what they do that they actually get it.
crude, but that's life.



perhaps, there's hope that a week's effort may be just what we've needed all the while.
don't give up, and turn hope into action.
because we're only old enough to know, but too young to care.
A is for A'levels!

Last.

I hate school now. From now until it's over.
I hate tuition. Because i have to cross half of Singapore and that wastes time.
I have low self-esteem. Because i don't know if i can do it.
I have never gotten a single A for some subjects, let alone get A in the A'levels.
I wanna stay at home from now till the A's are over.
I am not in the mood for laughter or fun because the thought of it just makes me angry, especially when it's this close to the A'levels.
I don't even blog or go online as often, this could be my last post till the A'levels are over and i come back from holiday.
I know that i have to isolate myself from the world to focus on what is important.
I don't need someone to tell me that it's going to be alright.
I don't need a shoulder to lie on.
I don't need to think.
All i need to do is study.
4 weeks and 3 days to my first paper.
4 weeks of isolation and study.
80 years to regret a decision made.
or 80 years to be content.
80 years of future in 4 weeks of effort and choices.
I better learn to like what i got myself into.