2am

I'm at subway, reading about the UK mobile network industry on a case study.
It's 2:10am and i'm tired.
Timothy just went home and now i find myself alone till day breaks.
I need a foot long sub at 3 if i wanna survive.
Tomorrow's agenda is obviously sleep.

One Republic is surprisingly good at keeping me company till now.
listened to the whole album twice without skipping a track, and i even sing along if i know the lyrics.

I have a cold. :(

that wriggly feeling inside.

i've just said my goodnights to someone whom i just knew.
it's something special, it really is.
though it's only a first impression, it's a lasting one.
sweet.

10 days left to the start of my A'levels.
just like any other student, i'd say that i do not have enough time, not enough confidence to do it.
but instead, i'd say that i have wasted time that could've been time well spent on studying, that i could've done better.
and now, i feel guilt, shame that would empower me with the gift of endurance to persevere through the night.
even if it's 1am, i'm still studying.
and i wish all my friends out there all the best.
it's only those who give a damn about what they do that they actually get it.
crude, but that's life.



perhaps, there's hope that a week's effort may be just what we've needed all the while.
don't give up, and turn hope into action.
because we're only old enough to know, but too young to care.
A is for A'levels!

Last.

I hate school now. From now until it's over.
I hate tuition. Because i have to cross half of Singapore and that wastes time.
I have low self-esteem. Because i don't know if i can do it.
I have never gotten a single A for some subjects, let alone get A in the A'levels.
I wanna stay at home from now till the A's are over.
I am not in the mood for laughter or fun because the thought of it just makes me angry, especially when it's this close to the A'levels.
I don't even blog or go online as often, this could be my last post till the A'levels are over and i come back from holiday.
I know that i have to isolate myself from the world to focus on what is important.
I don't need someone to tell me that it's going to be alright.
I don't need a shoulder to lie on.
I don't need to think.
All i need to do is study.
4 weeks and 3 days to my first paper.
4 weeks of isolation and study.
80 years to regret a decision made.
or 80 years to be content.
80 years of future in 4 weeks of effort and choices.
I better learn to like what i got myself into.

Last breath before drowning.

I only see one line among the twine.
Not the thickest.
Not the brightest.
There's a sign that it's breaking.
I might fall.
I want to break down and sit in one corner for the rest of my life.
I really do.
If I knew this was what I had to endure.
Some low-life, miserable effort.
To inspire me to work hard.
But I know it'll just come crashing down.
Like all the failures that weren't worth mentioning before.

dull away. dope.

seriously, i'm stuck on a friday night with nothing to do and without any motivation to do work or sleep.
a friday night.
nothing.
at least accoustic sessions with the band went swell, and i can't wait for the next meet.
graduation is gonna be a blast, but the songs are still pretty much secret.

i tried fishing a few days ago at the pond, seriously wasn't worth it.
no fish, and a tan while i was wearing a singlet and sunglasses.
i wanna go to the yatch club and fish there because it's more productive and the study atmosphere is great.

so far, my prelims are not looking good.
i need someone to motivate me or something because at this rate, i'd rather die.
hopefully, the mood comes naturally.

i remember how we spent hours on the phone, and sometimes when we both say nothing it means much more than it seems to.

sometimes i want the easy way out, but i know it's just an excuse for me being lazy.

F1 in Singapore, and it's september already.

someone throw me a rope so i can pull myself up.

i've been waiting for a miracle, and it might save me.

prelims are over, and they're long gone now.
so here's the main focus, A's.

caught the ugly truth yesterday, now i understand myself better.

today, having a bbq lunch with my band mates so i gtg buy the food and grill later.
shishamo woo!!!!!

yea, my band's playing for the graduation party, so that's what we got for doing a good job early in the year.

anyway, this isn't a long post but there's so many things to say.
till next post, world peace.

karma will get back at you, this i swear.

here's news.
i fractured my nose cartilage.
or rather, this ego-istic son of a mother thought it would be nice to elbow my nose in the middle of handball last thursday.
i was cursing and swearing, and when i came back from washing my bloody nose (bled from 2 nostrils), he was gone.
i went to A&E and they said it was a fracture.
then, long story cut short, i got covered by insurance and the specialist said i didn't need an operation(thank god) and it would recover in 3 weeks, so 2 weeks left to go.
i will never forget this, and i can't wait for the next pe session.

prelims has been alright so far, apart from the killer GP paper.
everyday from today is gonna be like one full maths and physics paper everyday till the prelims are over.

at least my band's gonna perform for the J2 farewell assembly.
5 people, no rock, all accoustic.
definitely need something cool.
something that'll make everyone's jaw drop for all the right reasons.

i'm beggining to love my J2 life, but it's too much of a good thing.

One to satisfy the eyes.

One week to prelims, two months to A'levels.
It's where my life pivots around, at least that's what everyone says...
but it's only another climb in life.
was never a pivot.

I've been thinking and talking about what i should do in the future, but instead of daydreaming about how i'm gonna do marine conservation in hopes of better aquatic sustainability, i've decided to just see how it goes for the moment.

Interesting things i did recently:
1) Made myself a wallet out of duct tape.
2) Bought new fishing gear.
3) Made studying fun.
4) Got a new cover for my ipod.
5) Got plenty of new clothes to wear, so i can preserve my mushroom shirt.
YOU GOTTA know Your Mushrooms.

I've caught up with heidi and tim recently, and i wanna catch up soon with fiona and lim too.
Really happy that we've had a history of ups and downs.
Anyway, teacher's day doesn't look so good, because i might not be going back to PRSS.
Sorry, maybe towards the end of the year? Then it's a surprise visit.

Anyway, prelims are around the corner, and it just seems that now, everything in life is piecing together. I'll soon find out what it is.
gotta work hard and smart.

Complex Numbers - Section (8) Loci is a bastard.

i'm giving up on loci tonight, can't figure out many qns (hence, the need for tuition).
my compass is crooked and i'm drawing ovals instead of circles.
it doesn't look loci at all when you're drawing ovals.

at least the mood is kicking in, i feel the urge to hold a pen and my work for most of the time.
at least more than the PS3 controller so yea, it's good.
first-person shooter disease, still can't get over laughing about that.

1) Econs Essay qn 3
2) Econs Essay for lecture
3) Quantun Physics tutorial
4) Maths complex 3
5) Chem Energetics.
6) Gp Essay.

and i am in the midst of many, hopefully reaching the end of it soon.

i'm starting to feel alone, but it's just a thought.

First person shooter disease.

I dug this up from Geekologie.



you either die laughing or laugh dying. it's the same.
haha, the last part was probably Ryu from street fighter.
I love the cereal, orange juice, 9mm handgun, butter knife part.

So the doc gave me a 4 day MC, but i guess i'm going back to school tomorrow. XD

Televised, not telegraphed.

i'm sick, so no school today yea.
but that means i have work, boo.
NS check-up tomorrow, gotta prepare the necessary documents.

So i've been doing lots of random stuff lately, anime mostly.
and my results really suck.
well, it's a sudden drop so i'm worried and that's good.

no incentive to blog these days.

that blood oath.

you swore!
do you remember what it was like when you did.
the sky cast in red, sun burning down that evening street.
you kneeled to your thoughts and took an oath.
an oath in your own blood to mark that promise.
yet how could you forget and betray yourself?
how the fuck did you fall so far?
when that oath you took was an oath of truth,
an oath that would not be easy because life was as it is.
now you're only four feet deep before you rise,
when that last foot really matters,
are you going to remember how that oath broke open your skin?
or is that oath lost in vain?
your oath, you decide,
you live or you die.

U to A in 4 months, it has to be done. i admit that i've been lazy, and this is what i deserve.
no time for crossing my fingers, i've got a promise to fulfill, a date with destiny.

discipline. work. win.

Rob a bank, steal a car, kill your homie, pure GTA.

FINALLY.
Exams are officially over for me, and i'm still awake now.
i haven't slept well for the past few days, have been tossing and turning in bed, waking up to look at formulas and definitions.
Econs was great.
GP was dead.
Maths was dead.
Chem was great.
Physics was okay....

haha, went to swensens with my class today, been a long time since so many of us went out together.
After the rest went to watch transformers, i left for home thinking i would sleep.
until i saw the GTA disc lying on the table.
so i played till 5.
then i was closing my room window when i saw danial, sharmaine and jasline across the road roaming aimlessly. XD
so i invited them up.
caught some TV with them and a damn good episode of the simpsons.
after dinner, i went with my parents to geylang for durian.
and i ate quite a lot.
feeling very satisfied now.

i still can't sleep, too full.
so i'm gonna stone a bit, then maybe play GTA later.

H (ealth) 1 (st) N (est at home for) 1 (week more)

Read the Today paper this morning, regarding parent's views on how they feel that extending the school holidays for one more week is pretty much useless (because they say that extension or not, we'll all have the same chances of contracting it.)

what rubbish.

142 contracted, and the numbers keep on rising.
yes, this may be less deadly than sars, but it is more contagious.
imagine, the holidays have already allowed 142 people to contract it.
what if the holidays ended? 142 ++++++++++ might contract it.
and the majority would be students.
sure, temperature taking may work.
but what if the symptoms appear only after one has entered school?
then the school would be compromised.

logical.

log on to http://www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/index.htm and vote for your choice (extended holidays)

i love being 18.

a little more time, to a lifetime of opportunity.

today, py, clarence, jay and Angelyn came to help me with the BBQ food for thursday, and basically, we just marinated the food for the whole day. XD
because we bought so much, we had to push two trolleys all the way to my front door and yes, it was tiring too.

basically, i'm still having a lil bit of intestinal infection, so hopefully it recovers soon.

as for studying, asides from tuition, i went through vectors yesterday with tim.
i really need to buck up soon, all for a purpose.

so it's only a few hours to my 18th birthday.
although many things are legal to me now, living for 18 years is a sign that i've grown all this while.
my resolutions are simple, and i'll keep it to myself. XD
but still following them is another thing.
that's why my first resolution is discipline with myself.
and the rest should flow.
i've also learnt to respect others to gain respect, but there are some people who don't deserve nuts.

all in all, i have to study.
and right now, i'm still getting psyched up.
crap.

Anit-Thursdayism

woke up at 8.
took a 50min bus ride to parkway.
felt ill already (half the mind to go home but i was at katong mall already.)
tuition from 10-12, 12:30-2:30.
took another 50min bus ride home (felt even worse)
stoned at home for 2 hours.
went to eat with dickson before maths.
6:30-9, maths (on the verge of throwing up)
reached home, broke into a fever, ate medicine, slept till 11:30.
woke up, finding that i couldn't sleep.
then here i am blogging about my horrid thursday.

i hate thursdays.

i hope i get well for jamming tomorrow.

i realise you're heaven sent.

i'm listening to the song that got me hooked onto you, and i have to say that i still love the song.
it also got me hooked onto guitar and R&B.

with pleasure, with pride, without me.

so tomorrow, it'll be a week away to my 18th.
brithday wishes:
1) To have all my friends remain friends till we grow old.
2) To get my ipod this weekend with parents.
3) To have a great day on the 17th. (think i'm skipping tuition.)
4) I wanna get an accoustic, but it's too expensive.
5) I want good grades, know where i can buy them?
6) Get puma's new foam tech shoes! they're light!
7) Go fishing at least once during this holiday.

and on the 18th of June, there's gonna be a BBQ party at my place for the guitar ensemble.
so although i wanna get shit drunk on the 17th, i'll have to see how it goes first. :(

i really hate people who think they get everything for free.
because it just proves they're worth nothing.

jamming this friday and i can't wait!
songs:
1) Otherside by Red Hot Chilli Peppers
2) Snow(hey oh) by Red Hot Chilli Peppers
3) Today by Smashing Pumpkins

i hate thurday, especially this thursday, i really really despise it.
6 hours of tuition. go figure.

a toast to all we've lived, loved and lost.

The day i joined TPGE was the day i turned my back on something important, i could've been their captain, but i chose not to after much advice from seniors to follow my own heart. Afterwhich, i told myself, that i can't afford to screw up again, TPGE is my home after school. Initially it was tough, but the workload never lightened and I took on more responsibilities as we progressed. I got the job of a Section Leader and the Publicity/Welfare Officer. Since the day i joined TPGE, i can't say that i have no regrets, all that i can say is that with something to regret, i have grown stronger. Now the time has come, and like all good things, we come to a stop. I saw many of my friends crying as they played the last song together, or just by sitting at the room to take in the last look at what we've achieved, and i can't say that i haven't shed a tear for the last song. In my head, i know we'll all see each other soon, but hardly in the guitar room.

now that it has finally ended, the relief is great.

screw up of the year.

school's fine, aside from the tons of work and revision before the exams, i can't wait for the holidays.

joined the school's badminton competition yesterday, managed to advance to the semis for doubles, but i lost in the first round of singles.
and i woke up today with a very stiff right arm.

i caught monsters vs aliens yesterday, it's really really good and i expected no less from the creators at pixar. (highly recommended)

still, i gotta say, you screwed up pretty bad.